Zayn Malik Might Be Married
One Direction’s Zayn Malik created chaos among his prepubescent legion of Forever 21 shoppers by posting a photo of himself wearing a wedding ring. Malik’s spokesperson said the ring is merely an...
View ArticleZayn Malik Expendable
If you had a legitimate band and one of the members left you’d start freaking out. If you’re a gaggle of twinks who move their lips on cue it’s not that big of a deal. Hence, Zayn Malik of One...
View ArticleZayn Malik Is Really Fucking Pretty And Shit Around The Web
One day, young models with perfect tits will be allowed to openly date men who like beer and action movies. That day is not today. Gigi Hadid cavorting and or bearding with One Direction’s Zayn Malik....
View ArticleAzealia Banks Suspended
Twitter suspended Azealia Banks for a bunch of anti-Muslim rants at former One Direction band member Zayn Malik. She despises him being half Pakistani, being Muslim, being white pretending to be black,...
View ArticleZayn Malik’s Memoirs Seem Particularly Bereft
Celebrity memoirs are being churned out for progressively younger celebrities. Books come easier when you don’t write them yourself. This boy band singer is twenty-three. He’s not even sharing his...
View ArticleZayn Malik Seems Uniquely Reasonable
Nobody likes the TSA junior detective kit set up at airports. Even terrorists seeking an eternal heaven can’t abide a two hour wait to go bare feet with strangers. Though everybody begrudgingly agrees...
View ArticleZayn And Gigi Gender Fuckers For Vogue
Celebrity sh”it” couple Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid break zero ground in their new self-assessed groundbreaking spread for Vogue titled “Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik Are Part of a New Generation Embracing...
View ArticleGigi Hadid’s Boy Toy Is Not Met Gala Material
Remember that guy from school that would hook up with the one chick everybody has been with and try to hide the fact that he agreed to be in a relationship with her? That’s Zayn Malik. The world knows...
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